New year coming....

It's been a little bit since my last blog.  Lots going on with Ava's birthday, the holidays, work, tying up loose ends for my new job, and trying to maintain what very little social life I have.  Oh and did I mention shopping around for graduate programs...good times! 

Things seem to be in a state of transition.  Friendships are evolving and I'm not really sure how to go with the flow.  I am having some real trust issues once again.  This has always been my deal.  But as those close to me say, you let the bad in with the good.  Unfortunately, as things evolve I am learning things about people that I wish I hadn't.  I feel myself forcing a happy face just so I don't have to answer a lot of questions.  And that is usually the opposite of who I am.  I have never been one to hide my feelings.  But lately I don't know who I can trust with my feelings.  People like to talk and I don't want to fuel the gossip fire.  So I choose to keep my mouth shut.  And I am sure if you are reading this and it makes you feel a certain way then maybe you should examine your actions closely.  Because you may be hurting someone and not even realize it. For now, I do know who my true friends are.  It is a very small group and I am ok with that.  Because I know these people would never turn their backs on me for the sake of making conversation.  My advice?  If you have a question about my life, feel free to ask me.  Don't speculate behind my back...

As the new year approaches, I am confident that I can take on the challenges laid before me.  I have high hopes for myself and those closest to me!  No matter how things play out, I will hold my head high and keep looking forward.

Tale of the single parent...

Being a mother is the greatest joy of my life!  I look at my daughter and I can't help but smile.  I never knew this amount of love was possible!  I never envisioned being a single parent...but I am playing the hand I was dealt.  The way I look at it, I am not doing this alone.  Technically yes, I am a single parent.  But I have a wonderful family and amazing friends that have been and continue to be, wonderful influences in my daughter's life. 

I do not make any major decision in my life without thinking about how it may affect my baby girl.  I wish that every parent thought that way.  I am in no way saying that I am perfect because the good Lord knows I am not.  But what I do have is insight in to my daughter's thoughts.  And do you know how I gained that insight?  By talking to her.  She may only be 7, but she is wise beyond her years.  All she wants is a parent who will spend time with her and praise her....things that should, but sadly do not always, come naturally.  My favorite thing in the whole wide world is spending time with Ava.  I love cooking dinner with her, and watching movies with her, and playing games with her, and shopping with her...I could go on and on.

I want to be there for her in every way and as much as I can.  My work schedule sometimes makes that difficult but I make the most of every second because it is not about the quantity it's about the QUALITY of the time we get to spend together.  My daughter is now and forever will be my first priority...she is love of my life and she deserves that and so much more!

 

Give thanks!

I have so much to be thankful for.  First and foremost, I am thankful for my beautiful baby girl!

 She is without a doubt the light of my life and I am so proud to be her mother.  

Secondly, I am blessed to have such an amazing family!  They are my support and I love them with all that I am!

I have also been blessed to find love in the most unexpected place!  In one of my best friends!!  One year and going strong!

I have also been blessed with some pretty amazing friends!  Thank you all for being part of my life!  

 I don't have pics of everyone so for those who didn't get a picture mention (LOL), here goes...

My Katie Bug, I feel like you and I can talk about anything!  You are definitely like a sister!
To my Tinar Bean, I love love love your sense of humor!  You always know the right thing to say to make me smile!
Staph, I am in love with your craziness!  You too can always make me smile!
Sherri, I totally get you!  I love the way you tell a funny story with a straight face (and then giggle at then end of it)!
Tiff, we just have fun together!  You are someone I can hang with and just be me!  
Tina P, you are one of my new friends and I really enjoy spending time with you...looking forward to getting together for dinner and getting to know you better!


I am also thankful for my 4 East family!  You guys are amazing!  


That's all I have for now...if I didn't mention you in this piece, please don't think I have forgotten about you!  If you are on my friends' list you are important to me!  Lots of love! 

What is a friend?

What is a friend?  This question has been running over and over thru my head all day long.  What characteristics does a friend have?  Is it someone you have a good time with or that you enjoy being around?  Or does it go deeper than that?  Is a true friend someone you trust will always have your back, or someone you believe will always be honest with you?  I'm anxious to hear any type of feedback about what friendship means to any of you.  I know what it means to me...and I count myself a lucky girl to have such a stellar support system.  My daughter, my lil sister, my mom, my other half...they are all amazing and the best friends I've ever known.  I am also blessed to have a core group of people who aren't blood but are amazing in their own way.  So what does being a good friend or having a good friend mean to you?

Big Girls Don't Cry...or do they??

This is my first blog in a very long time...I have been contemplating what to write for some time.  So I chose a subject that has been plaguing me for as long as I can remember.  My weight.  Yes I said it, my weight.  Now I am not going to disclose an actual number here because I'm just not that brazen.  But my weight is something I struggle with every day.  I remember being teased and tormented growing up because I was more "curvy" (and I am putting that in the nicest possible terms) than most of the other girls.  As I grew up and grew into my looks, my weight became less of an issue.  That is until I lost it...in 2007 I lost an unbelievable 60 lbs.  I couldn't remember a time when I had looked or felt that way.  For the first time, people were seeing more than just a "pretty face"....if you have every been a plus size girl you know what I'm talking about.  When you are "curvy" people always say "you have such a pretty face..."  Ugh!  Anyway, I'm getting off track.  Much to my disappointment, and as I have felt, the disappointment of those closest to me, I ended up putting most of that weight back on.  I have done the Weight Watchers thing and the Zone thing and they  provided temporary results.  I know the one thing that made all the difference in the world...say it with me EXERCISE!!  Something as a nurse, I know is beneficial, and Lord knows I should make time for but my question is how???  I work 40+ hours a week and crazy me has just accepted yet another job, and am virtually a single mother...I do have an awesome support system, but my daughter wants me when I'm not at work, no one else.  It's not personal but it seems I am the only parent taking an interest in the goings on in my 7 year old's world.  And truth be told I feel incredibly guilty at the thought of taking any "me time" when I know my daughter is waiting for me.  So what to do?  I have thought about investing in a treadmill so I can work out at home but with the single mom title comes those single mom responsibilities.  My daughter does and always will come first.  I have a gym membership that I NEVER use...that's right, the fee is automatically deducted from my checking account every month and I couldn't tell you the last time I set foot in there.  It would be different if they offered some kind of child care services but sadly they do not.  Now the Y does offer child care, but the rates are thru the roof and the equipment looks like something straight out of an 80s workout video.  So what am I to do?  I am ready to make a change...I am ready to be more than a "pretty face".  I am ready to stop feeling a certain way every time I look in the mirror...